As Seen On
So often we come to a dead end in our health/weight loss efforts. Then we begin again in hopes that it will turn out differently, and we end up back at the same dead end, over and over again. Losing the same 20 lbs every single year. So many of us do it, I know I have. But why? Why do we put ourselves through this crazy up and down cycle of binge, diet, repeat every single year?This is the question I asked myself back in 2011 when I was making my worn-out New Years Resolution to start another new diet that I would stick to for the rest of my life, then quit by February or March.
I realized that a lot of the reason I never stuck to diets were that if I “cheated” or ate something off the diet, I would throw my hands up and say- I knew I couldn’t do it, I am never going to lose this weight. What a failure I am. Then I would proceed to binge since I’d already “blown it” anyway.
I have come to realize as a Health Coach that my self-esteem and love for myself is a crucial part of getting healthy. I started asking myself what would I tell my son or my best friend if they were going through the same thing? If I saw them straying from their diet would I be yelling the same brutal insults that I used on myself? Heck NO! I would tell them that maybe that particular diet is too restrictive, or that they deserve to enjoy a treat once in a while or that their body is just fine the way it is, and that there’s no need for crazy dieting in the first place.
Today on my blog, I’ve got someone very special here to share her secrets about effective ways to boost your self-esteem.Her name is Coral Link, and she’s a practicing Psychotherapist here in Denver. She’s also the creator of the Self-Esteem Bootcamp.
When it comes to loving yourself, and improving your self worth, this girl seriously gets it (because she’s been there too)! That’s why I asked her to come on the blog and share some of her secrets on how to improve your life with a healthy dose of Self-Esteem boosting tricks.
Take it away Coral!
Many of us have a problem that we might not be aware of. We don’t love ourselves enough. To prove this point, think about the last 24 hours and consider how many times you judged, compared, criticized, blamed, or minimized a success or an achievement?
What about the times you have said: I’ll be good enough when I lose that extra 20 pounds? Or when I get that raise I’ll feel confident? Or when I meet the man/woman of my dreams I will be whole? These types of self-talk perpetuate a sense of unworthiness that prevents us from living our best lives in the present. It also tends to result in self-sabotage, putting us farther away from our goals.
Have you ever been so close to reaching something you’ve desired and then POW! Something gets in the way? Often, we are our own worse enemies creating barriers to success because we’re not sure we are good enough to get there. I know I have. There were times in the past that I would close up or get defensive in relationships because I was afraid of rejection. I wanted to have a partner so badly but it never seemed to work out. After my own therapy and work around the issue I realized I had created a story about who I needed to be to be loved by another person. Most of my worry was around if someone else would like me, meanwhile I felt inadequate inside.
We are all susceptible to moments of perfectionism, unrealistic expectations and self-judgement. But the truth is, we are all imperfect in one way or another and that’s ok because it makes us real.
The further away we are from embracing ourselves as we are now, the more and more we feel like we aren’t measuring up. My challenge to you is to practice self-compassion for all the things you don’t like about yourself. Put a stop to the inner voice that tells you you can’t or that you will fail.
Wondering how to get started? Below are some suggested tips:
1. Take time to soak-in a compliment. How many times have you received a compliment that you’ve minimized or dismissed? Learning to love ourselves means to sit with the good things others see in us even if it’s uncomfortable.
2. Become aware of perfectionistic thoughts. Who doesn’t want to be the perfect parent, the perfect partner, have the perfect job etc. Most of us are far from perfect and we tend to get stuck in what life “should” look like. Practice noticing all or nothing thinking and reframing self-talk so that it is more realistic .
3. Identify ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). These thoughts are like daggers to feelings of self-worth. Use mindfulness to notice when and in what circumstances they come up.
4. Use specific language to describe a situation rather than labels. Example: ‘When I didn’t lose weight this week I was disappointed’, NOT ‘I’m a failure because I didn’t reach my goal’.
5. Identify strengths and remind yourself of them often.
6. Practice healthy-striving self-talk: “I am doing this for me,”“I can do this”“these are the reasons I’m worth it”